writing, photography
all in due time
All things happen when they need to, unless they don’t. Often times timing is key and the right thing may not necessarily happen at the right time causing one to reassess the path they’re on. This reassessment can be challenging but, as in the case with actor Derrick Kemp, this time of reflection can bode will for real personal growth and self-discovery.
WORDS + PHOTO | JEB PERKINS
Timing is everything. Take your turkey out of the oven too early and it’ll be borderline inedible (trust me I know). Get to the bus stop a mere 7 seconds past when it’s supposed to arrive and you’ll find yourself running down the sidewalk hoping to God that the bus driver is having a good day and will stop to let you on. It might suck to admit it but we are all under Time’s command. Without it we’ll all be lost. Not knowing when to arrive at work (if at all) or even when to set the DVR to record the latest episode of our favorite tv show (if you’re still one of those people who still has cable). Time can work in our favor but more often than not, it doesn’t. And where does this leave us?
For most Time is too slow. We are a ‘Now’ generation. Just the thought of having to wait another week for the latest episode of How To Get Away With Murder can drive us to, well, Netflix where they know the desires of our hearts. That is, to watch an entire season in one sitting with as little bathroom breaks as possible. But there are times where Time is too fast. It has a funny way of sneaking up on you. Before you know it you’re saying ‘I love you’ to someone who just two days ago was nothing more to you than a swipe. It’s easy to get caught up in Time’s confusion. While ideally it’d be nice for Time to work alongside you as you work on your career, love life, etc., it often doesn’t work out that way. Time has a funny way about that.
So what does one do in this scenario? For most the best solution is to try and keep up with Time, play by its game. This can work but one false move and it’s over. The alternative, however, is something more counter to the general belief: you can make Time play by your rules. While it’s not easy, by choosing to step away from their path, one is able to gain a renewed sense of understanding. No one understands this more than actor Derrick Kemp.
Growing up Derrick was a self-described class clown. Together with a close friend, they garnered the attention of their classmates, something Derrick enjoyed doing ever since his time in high school. But this natural penchant for entertaining needed to be harnessed in some way. While studying for his undergraduate degree Derrick found himself needing to fill up some electives. By the suggestion of his friend, he ended up taking an acting class under the pretense that it would be fun. Not too much surprise of his own, acting seemed to come to him easily. Pretty soon an acting class turned into a getting a manager which turned into auditioning which in turn morphed into meetings with top television networks. Before long Derrick found himself on the set of a pilot in which he played a major role. Time was working its magic, speeding up a process that for some can take years. After completing a few more projects, Derrick was involved with more than he could handle, although he didn’t realize it until it was too late.
When you want something for so long and it finally starts to happen it’s understandable that a certain switch turns off in your head. The switch that tells you to take a beat and analyze exactly what’s going on. This especially rings true in the creative arts. Most creators spend years trying to achieve a level of success that is most acceptable to them. The problem is that level is sometimes placed so high that it can almost be seen as unattainable. For the lucky few that get within reach of their goal or the idea of success that they’ve created in their mind, it’s easy to see how certain blinders are put it and before they know it they are in something they may not have necessarily wanted.
This is where Derrick found himself while on the set of a major film project, the biggest he had been on up until that point in his career. Feelings of unpreparedness and being in over his head materialized into a panic attack which ultimately led him to leave acting altogether. Like most of us pursuing a dream, he was scared and quite frankly didn’t feel like he knew what he was doing, a sentiment most can relate to. It’s hard not to blame Derrick’s decision. The opportunity was perhaps the right thing, just not at the right time.
However, despite taking a break from acting, it never quite left his heart. It was something he was born to do. When something is placed on our heart, call it a purpose, it’s not something that can easily be shaken. It sticks to the core of who you are. When Derrick decided to walk away from acting, it wasn’t forever. Acting found its way back into his life years later while working toward an African American studies degree with a focus on mixed-race identity at UCLA.
While there he met a professor who became a mentor to him. Through taking the class with him, Derrick was introduced to prison reform work. Having been wrongly accused in his past, his mentor worked a lot with different reform initiatives, one of which was a play written by men who were incarcerated. In the most unlikely way, acting had found its way back into Derrick’s life. With his recent interest in social justice work, Derrick jumped at the chance to help his professor put on this play for an audience of young men in a juvenile hall.
“It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. There was something about it that was different. You can imagine, those kids aren’t going to play. They’re not going to pretend.”
Even though he was nervous to put on this play in front of a room full of teenage boys, his fears ended up being proven wrong. They loved it. Through this play and through acting, Derrick was able to offer up an escape for those kids if only for a few hours. When looking back at his life, this is a moment that sticks out most to him.
But what was the difference? Compared to his previous time acting, working on the set of a major movie, what was it that made this time feel different?
“It didn’t feel as big. It felt fun.”
In our conversation, Derrick often describes acting as being fun. There’s a levity that seems to radiate from him while he talks about this significant moment in his acting career. It’s true that when someone is doing something that they are born to do, joy emits from every part of their being. He was back doing what he loved to do. But this time around acting meant more than just telling a story. It was being used to help others see themselves, a passion that developed within Derrick during the break he took from acting.
Between his studies at UCLA and growing closer with his mentor, identity, especially as it pertains to race, became something that was important to Derrick and his work as an actor. After putting on the play for the young men, he went on to work on other plays during his time at UCLA, all of which had that one quality he mentioned before: they were fun. He was doing something that felt natural to him. Time was perhaps on his side.
“FOR ME, ACTING IS MORE REAL IN THE SENSE THAT IT’S MORE VULNERABLE.”
When one is in a season of waiting, they are given the chance to view it from a few different perspectives. You can look at it as a deterrent to the thing you are waiting for. Or like in Derrick’s case, you can look at it as an opportunity for growth. Upon coming back to acting something new had sparked within him, his interest in helping people to see themselves. Had he not taken time away from acting, he may not have discovered this deeper layer of his purpose. Not to say that he fully understand how this interest connects to his work as an actor. On this front, he is still in the midst of figuring out. But despite this, he believes acting provides an audience with the opportunity to get more in touch with their emotions. Acting is vulnerable so by watching actors on a stage or in a film, an audience member is able to in turn drop whatever defenses they may have.
“There’s a lot of vulnerability we miss in relation. For me acting is more real in a sense like it’s more vulnerable. I’m showing something that you want to see. You want to see people being private in public. But you don’t get that a lot. There’s something about seeing that [vulnerability] that’s cathartic.”
In my time with Derrick, I can attest that he is not one who operates with a wall up. This is perhaps the quality that makes acting so easy for him. Being able to be open with one’s emotions is not easy. But by doing so we are able to make connections with others that become meaningful and long-lasting. This is the power that acting has. While he may not have known it at the time, this is possibly what drew him to the art form all along.
But the road back wasn’t as easy as doing a couple of plays in college. Getting back into acting meant coming face to face with anxiety and fear. He likens his return to a boxer having to come back to the ring after being knocked out in a previous fight.
“What happens when someone gets knocked out and the fight that same person, if they get hit a certain way they’ll have flashbacks and freak out. It’s triggering.”
In a similar way, coming back to acting was like returning to the ring having to fight the person that had previously knocked him out. While working on a pilot, he experienced thoughts of uncertainty, not knowing if what he was doing was working. It was happening all over again. The feelings of apprehension that he had felt before were resurfacing even after all the time he had spent away from acting.
But this time was different. Along with a deepened sense of his calling as an actor, Derrick came back with a newfound connection to God. His faith had provided him a support system unlike any he had in his past. With this, he was able to face these resurfaced emotions head-on instead of stray from them similar to how a boxer would have to face his knockout while he trained for his return.
With a renewed faith in himself and newfound faith in God, Derrick has been able to come back to the thing he loves with confidence unlike what he had in the past. While there are still moments of doubt, still moments where he’s in waiting, his belief in himself is what keeps him steadily on his path.
“I’m building my character. This last year of my life as really spun me for a loop in terms of what I believe in, how I carry myself, who I’m around, my belief in God. With God, I’m working on how I live my life.”
With this mindset, the end goal doesn’t matter. Where he ends up isn’t as important as who he is right now. As he sits in his waiting season, Derrick is taking the opportunity to achieve real growth in his character and in his ability to trust himself and the decisions he makes.
As mentioned before frustrations will come. But unlike before Derrick doesn’t look for validation in the form of people which was the main source of those frustrations. By eliminating this need for the approval of others and looking toward his faith for that validation, Derrick has been able to learn that he’s enough.
“I’M BUILDING MY CHARACTER. THIS LAST YEAR OF MY LIFE AS REALLY SPUN ME FOR A LOOP IN TERMS OF WHAT I BELIEVE IN, HOW I CARRY MYSELF, WHO I’M AROUND, MY BELIEF IN GOD. WITH GOD, I’M WORKING ON HOW I LIVE MY LIFE.”
Our relationship with Time will always be rocky. Sometimes it will work in our favor (we’ll get that job we want exactly when we want it, that direct deposit will hit three days earlier than when it was supposed to, etc.). And other times, Time will take, well, it’s time to come through for us when we need it most. Despite this, the time we spend in our seasons of waiting offers us unique opportunities to better prepare for the things we are waiting on. While in the midst of it all, it may feel frustrating and pointless, on the other side of the wait is the life that we are now better prepared for.
Through Derrick’s story, we see that not all good things happen at the right time. Acting was a good thing in his life but quite frankly he just wasn’t ready for it. At least not yet. But our purpose never fades away. Instead, it lays dormant within us preparing for the moment when we have developed into the people we need to be in order to best fulfill the call we have on our lives. Derrick was able to learn first hand that good things do in fact come to those who wait. But they also come to those who aren’t ready. Through time, self-reflection, and new relationships we are able to withstand seasons of waiting in stride, looking not to the thing in our future but to who we are in our present. Ultimately this is what’s most important. The future can wait.